I'm super grumpy today. I have had no sleep and it's monday. I am feeling down and stressed over things I have little to no control over. I'm tired, both literally and in general. Tired from lack of sleep, but tired of feeling like no matter what I do and accomplish, to some people it's never good enough. And so my friends, I ask you this: when will I stop allowing people to make me feel negatively about myself? I ask this because no matter how much weigh I lose, there will always be someone who has lost more. There will always be that person who does such and such as a workout, which seems to downplay all of my workouts. There will always be someone who loses weight faster, runs faster, works out more, eats 'better', etc... than me. Why do I allow all of those things to bug me? It doesn't happen all the time... but every once in a while, these things weigh on me. They eat away at my self confidence, at me. I need to fix this, but then isn't this the plight of most women? There will always be someone to compare yourself or be compared to. Whether you are a size 0 or are a size 20... it is what it is. I need to focus on myself. That's really what it boils down to. Focusing on all of the things that I have control over like my workouts, my eating, dressing a little nicer, putting on a little makeup every once in a while... All of the things that boost my confidence because they make me feel like a better person. Hard work pays off, but you can't diminish the effectiveness of throwing on a cute dress and some heels in boosting self confidence.

Here's the latest weigh in update:

total lost in 12 weeks: 37 lbs. (total since starting at doc office is 43!!)
total fat % lost: -4% this week!!
lean muscle gain: 6 lbs. (lost 10 lbs. of body fat)

I am now 32 lbs. away from my next weight loss goal. 32 lbs. It's so close I can feel it. I am also putting this in writing because I plan on kicking some serious ass. My husband has made the mistake of betting me $492.00 (it was the first number that came to my head ok!) that I cannot get under 180. Umm. I hope he realizes that I am not the kind of girl you tell 'can't do something'. He better get his checkbook ready, cause I'm about to make him eat his words.