Thursday, June 30, 2011

Something's coming, I don't know what it is but it is gonna be great.

If you haven't seen Westside Story, then you probably don't remember the song with that line in it. But I do cause it's: #1. one of my favorite movies ever and #2. a great line. But the truth is, I do know what's coming. There is a HUGE milestone in my weightloss journey coming up. HUGE. I am just 9 lbs. away from having lost a grand total of 150 lbs. It's a little strange to think that I've lost an entire person. I am super excited to hit that number. So, tonight I have my weekly weigh-in. I am ready... I wish it was now so I could see how much closer I am.

Wish me luck!

Monday, June 27, 2011

I've been taking happy pills. Ok, not really, but I've been doing little things to make big changes in my life. I'm reading a money management book by Suze Orman. I decided that it's time to take control of my finances and really work towards getting into a house. Sure, I've talked about it many, many times before... but I never really took any steps towards acheiving it. I now have my first credit card, have made my first purchase and also my first payment. I also started watching Hoarders and am pretty sure that show has given me OCD. All I want to do is clean. I want to sort and organize and dust and get rid of anything that really means nothing. I'm doing it at work and at home. I reorganized the plants in my little garden area, pulled weeds and am starting to hang some of my birdhouses and knick-knacks. I'm cleaning out boxes of stuff that have been in my closet for 6 years. I'm getting rid of clothes that don't fit me anymore. I'm focusing my energy on all things positive. After all, energy flows where attention goes right? I'm treating myself the way I should be treating myself. I take a moment each day to focus on seeing myself at my goal weight. Each day I focus on one meal at a time. Mentally, I'm in such a good place right now it's almost scary! So, here's what all that positive change and focus has done:

total lost in 15 weeks: 41 lbs.
total fat % lost: down another 3%
lean muscle gain: 3 lbs. (pretty darn good for not lifting a single weight over the past few weeks)

So, here's what I've got going on now. My silly husband has bet me $50 that I can't lose 29 lbs. before my birthday. Ha! I suppose I should thank him for lighting the fire under my ass again cause I am on a mission to make that man pay. I am refocused, re-energized and ready to meet next big goal. I've got healthy recipes ready, workouts planned and a new belt that will show me some extra progress since it can't just be about the number on the scale, now can it?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Redemption Song (cue a little Bob Marley)

There have been things that happened to me when I was bigger that have really stuck with me. Mentally, these are the things that really mess with my head and self esteem just when I think I've overcome them. This weekend, I got redemption from at least one of those things. It was a nice reminder of where I've come from and a swift kick in the pants reminder of where I'm headed.

Flashback about 5 years. There I was, at my heaviest, and in complete denial of how big I really was. I was on the road to nowhere, fast. I went with my family down to the waterfront during Rose Festival. Every year, during the first part of June, the Rose Festival takes over Portland with it's parades and events and the waterfront village. For those of you that don't know, the waterfront village is basically a giant carnival with rides, games, food and concerts. Anyway, my sister and I were riding rides and people watching when I saw this super fun ride that I really wanted to go on. Basically, you sit in a seat with the bars that come down over you and the thing spins in a giant circle, then turns on it's side and then turns upside down (all while spinning). I love stuff like that, so I forked over the tickets and got on. But then, disaster. I didn't fit... and the nasty, meth-head carni came over, tried to push the bar down and when it wouldn't, he said, 'suck it in' and then proceeded to slam the bars down onto my chest as hard as he could. I was mortified. I was humiliated. I was hurt, both physically and emotionally. I quietly exited the ride with my head hung in shame and cried. My sister was furious and wanted to go back to tell the guy off, but all I wanted to do was run away. That was one of those moments being super heavy, that has stuck with me all these years. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. Ever.

Flashforward to Friday night. There I was, walking around the Rose Festival with a couple friends, when I saw it. The very same ride. It was too good to be true. I decided that this was my chance to remind myself how far I've come. I told my 2 friends what had happened to me the last time I'd been on that ride and how I really really wanted to go get some redemption. Matt was convinced. He even ponied up the tickets for me! (Thanks Matt) And we went and watched it for a minute. I started getting a little nervous about it and told my other friend that I didn't think I was going to fit. She kindly told me to shut the hell up and to get on. I got on and started really worrying that I wasn't going to fit, but then I sat down and... I fit... and there was extra room. I nervously asked the guy working if it fit ok and he said it looked fine and made sure the bar wouldn't lift up at all and that was that. The ride started, I laughed my ass off and I got my redemption. Best $4 spent ever. I really needed that. Another little reminder of who I used to be, and who I am now. Booyah!

On another note, I am back on track with my eating and my workouts and headed right back down my path never traveled. Sure, I've still got 35 lbs. to drop to make my birthday goal, but you know what? I can do anything I set my mind to. Just watch me.