Thursday, November 11, 2010

Going back to what works... for me.

There are a lot of things I know. There are a lot of things I don't know. For instance, I know that I cannot work-out my way thin. It's just not possible, I know because I've tried. 80% food/20% exercise is completely true (darn trainers know everything). I know that I cannot starve myself thin. I know this because I just did 2 weeks on some ridiculous diet that was virtually vegetables and protein shakes (blech!!). Sure, I lost 17 lbs., but here I am 2 weeks later and 10 of those stupid lbs. are back. I know that my weight is a battle I will struggle with for the rest of my life. There is really no getting around that. My 78 year old grandma lost 100 lbs. last year (by eating 1000 calories or less a day). It was the 3rd time in her life she's lost 100 lbs. I know that I don't want to keep losing the same weight again and again and wake up at 77 years old and decide that's when I'm going to make it work. No no no. I know that I've been wasting time deciding how I'm going to eat (all while stuffing my face with all the things I shouldn't be eating). I don't know why. I don't know why I treat junk food better than I treat friends. Sure, it's always been there for me... but it's like a toxic friend. One who is around just to cut you down and make you feel terrible about yourself so they can feel better. Well, I do know this. It has to end. Now. I'm going back. Back to Weight Watchers. Sure, there are people out there who don't agree with it or can't seem to make it work for them long term. I'm not one of those people. I've lost a very large portion of those 127 lbs. on WW and I know it works. I know that when I'm following WW, I don't feel deprived and I certainly don't feel guilty working one of my indulgences (like a beer or glass of wine) into my day. I know that there are 1,000's of people who have made WW work for them for life. I am going to be one of those people. No more starving myself or floundering around in mediocrity. No, no. This is where the road gets rough, but where I roll up my sleeves and get dirty dirty (in the good way).

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

It really is the little things....

Sometimes all I need is to be reminded of how far I've really come. That's what keeps me going. It's especially nice when I've fallen back into a rut and can't seem to climb back out of it.

Last night I decided I would go check out the clearance at Avenue. If you don't happen to know what Avenue is (I hate you... hahaha kidding), it's a clothing store for plus sizes. There was a time when I would shop at Avenue and I was close to the top end. I was wearing a size 26/28 top and trying desperately to not buy a size 30 pant (that's size 30, not waist 30). Those were the days where I wanted to hide. Oh wait, I did hide. I wore baggy clothes and only dark colors and hoped that I would blend in as much as possible. I was sad and miserable. But now I'm done hiding. I wear bright colors (sometimes) and clothes that fit. Oh, back to my story... so there I was in Avenue grabbing shirts and pants in all the wrong sizes. I don't wear a 22/24 top anymore and I certainly don't wear a size 22 jeans. Nope, not me. After changing most of my clothes down several sizes, I decided to try a pair of 18 jeans. Slid them on... and.... TOO BIG! Aaaahhh. I did a super happy little dance in the dressing room and then went and grabbed myself a pair of 16's. I didn't really have high hopes. I mean, come on... a 16. Me? In a 16? It just didn't seem like something that would happen. But I tried them and guess what? Oh, you've probably figured out by now that they fit! Perfectly. I almost cried. I have such a hard time seeing myself as smaller because, well, I've been big(ger) for as long as I can remember. In seventh grade, I remember a specific pair of shorts I wore to school (why my mother let me leave the house in them is beyond me), but they were jean shorts with this hideous flag fabric trim and they were a size 14. In seventh grade I wore a size 14. So, here I am... 20+ years later and finally getting close to that size again.

Maybe that's the little push I need to get me out of my rut. Well, that and the fact that it's winter so no more bbq's and summer ale's and depressed because it's so hot. (yes, i'm the weirdo who loves running in the rain like a kid... it makes my heart happy, so back off! haha)I've been thinking of ways I can mix things up as far as workouts. I've been working with my trainer. But what I really need more than anything, is for that fire to be lit under my ass again to eat right. "they" say it's 80% eating and 20% workouts... and you know what? "they" are right.