There have been things that happened to me when I was bigger that have really stuck with me. Mentally, these are the things that really mess with my head and self esteem just when I think I've overcome them. This weekend, I got redemption from at least one of those things. It was a nice reminder of where I've come from and a swift kick in the pants reminder of where I'm headed.
Flashback about 5 years. There I was, at my heaviest, and in complete denial of how big I really was. I was on the road to nowhere, fast. I went with my family down to the waterfront during Rose Festival. Every year, during the first part of June, the Rose Festival takes over Portland with it's parades and events and the waterfront village. For those of you that don't know, the waterfront village is basically a giant carnival with rides, games, food and concerts. Anyway, my sister and I were riding rides and people watching when I saw this super fun ride that I really wanted to go on. Basically, you sit in a seat with the bars that come down over you and the thing spins in a giant circle, then turns on it's side and then turns upside down (all while spinning). I love stuff like that, so I forked over the tickets and got on. But then, disaster. I didn't fit... and the nasty, meth-head carni came over, tried to push the bar down and when it wouldn't, he said, 'suck it in' and then proceeded to slam the bars down onto my chest as hard as he could. I was mortified. I was humiliated. I was hurt, both physically and emotionally. I quietly exited the ride with my head hung in shame and cried. My sister was furious and wanted to go back to tell the guy off, but all I wanted to do was run away. That was one of those moments being super heavy, that has stuck with me all these years. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. Ever.
Flashforward to Friday night. There I was, walking around the Rose Festival with a couple friends, when I saw it. The very same ride. It was too good to be true. I decided that this was my chance to remind myself how far I've come. I told my 2 friends what had happened to me the last time I'd been on that ride and how I really really wanted to go get some redemption. Matt was convinced. He even ponied up the tickets for me! (Thanks Matt) And we went and watched it for a minute. I started getting a little nervous about it and told my other friend that I didn't think I was going to fit. She kindly told me to shut the hell up and to get on. I got on and started really worrying that I wasn't going to fit, but then I sat down and... I fit... and there was extra room. I nervously asked the guy working if it fit ok and he said it looked fine and made sure the bar wouldn't lift up at all and that was that. The ride started, I laughed my ass off and I got my redemption. Best $4 spent ever. I really needed that. Another little reminder of who I used to be, and who I am now. Booyah!
On another note, I am back on track with my eating and my workouts and headed right back down my path never traveled. Sure, I've still got 35 lbs. to drop to make my birthday goal, but you know what? I can do anything I set my mind to. Just watch me.