Shock.

That's an understatement.

I have a habit of writing myself off. Sure, people can tell me how good I am at something or that I should do such and such... but I have a tendency to talk myself out of it. This is why I have to actually sign up for races way ahead of time, so that I don't talk myself out of it. It happens.

This is 10. The year that I stop writing myself off and realize that I am good at many things. I inspired 2 of my friends to join the gym and both are now working out regularly. My sister started running again. I convinced another friend of mine that she was completely capable of doing a triathlon and she is now training for her first. I am a motivator. I try to make people see that it's not about waiting until they are the right size to do amazing things. Cause really people, it's not. Why wait? What if you never get to a certain size? Then, you would have passed up all of those opportunities to show yourself and the world what you're really made of.

The reason I write this is because I have some news. I.. yes, me... am now a CYCLE INSTRUCTOR!! Aaaahhh!! I can't believe it. I've wanted to become an instructor for more than a year now, but never really thought it would happen because...hey, gyms are corporations and all about image and I do NOT look like a typical instructor. Sure, I have the endurance and proper form and the strength... more so than a lot of the people that come into cycle class. But, about a year ago I tried to become an instructor and wasn't even given a chance. It happens. I wrote myself off and didn't press the issue any further. About 2 weeks ago, I learned that there were several openings for cycle instructors at my gym. Unfortunately, one of these openings was from my most favoritist cycle instructor Wendy, who is leaving to open her very own competitive cycle gym. Yay for her!! Boo for me!! Well, Wendy has always been very encouraging and told me point blank that I was the best candidate and if my gym didn't give me a chance to show them what I'm made of, she would get me in at 24hr. Whoa! I got the info for the aerobics coordinator and made the call. And then I waited. I called her back and had a 'not so encouraging' conversation with her and was thisclose to cancelling my audition. I got a cold. But last night, I went to my audition. I did my best. I figured that was all I could do, my best. If I didn't get it, there would surely be opportunities for me in the future. It went really well. I was hired on the spot. Crazy! She even asked if I could teach the class tonight at 5:30... but then found that a sub had already been found. So, there you have it. I am a cycle instructor. My first class is next friday. Aaaahhhh!! I am so excited. I can't wait to make people want to puke from working so hard. Hahaha.

Moral of my story... don't write yourself off. The only one holding you back from becoming everything you want to be is yourself. This is 10 people. In the words of my fav. Bob, "stand up and finish what you started."

I sabatoge myself. I make bad choices. I have a hard time picturing myself any different than I am now. These are issues that I need to deal with.

One of the reasons I'd like to drop some of this weight isn't an obvious one. A few years ago I decided that I'd really like to become a bone-marrow donor. The opportunity to give a little of myself so that another might live would be amazing. I researched the process and decided to sign up. Ugh. For someone my height, you must weigh less than 230 lbs. Argh. When I found that out, it was when I was close to my heaviest so I removed the idea from the front of my mind and pushed it to the back where my ideas of being able to shop in stores like Ann Taylor and the GAP were.
I've shrunk. I can wear clothes at the GAP now. I am just one measley size away from fitting comfortably in Ann Taylor. I realized that I am just a mere 22 lbs away from being able to register and that makes me very excited.

This week has been exactly what I needed. I've done doubles a few days this week. They feel good. My legs are sore. My arms are sore. I have more energy. I love doubles. This morning would have made day 3, but the silly gym girl was 40 minutes late opening the gym. I get it. Stuff happens. But, when there are over 20 people waiting in the parking lot for you to show up, the least you could do is say that you're sorry for being late. But no. Just look at everyone when they walk in. Don't say anything. That gets you real far in my book. NOT! This morning I had planned a nice hour long recovery swim. I needed it. Instead, I got a 15 minute scramble swim and now I'm grumpy. So, tomorrow I swim.

I've really been contemplating doing Pac Crest again. It was my goal all along to go back to Pac Crest and beat my time. Right now, I know there is no way I am going to beat my time, but it would be some nice reassurance that I am still on the right path if I went back and completed it anyway. My hip finally seems to be on the upward swing of mending. My head is back in the game. My eating is less out of control. I think Pac Crest is just what the doctor ordered. Nothing like a .9 mile swim, 28 mile bike and 6.2 mile run to get your ass in high gear! I'm going to go out to Vancouver Lake this weekend and see how an open water swim feels. I much prefer open water to swimming in a pool... but I am more worried about the distance than anything. If I can do a comfortable mile swim in open water then I will sign up. You hear that? I will sign up.

fit-itude.

Results are in. Turns out that I am not diabetic. Yay! Thank goodness. My doctor was anything but helpful and just gave me the results with no plan, no ideas, nothing. So, after some deliberating I have decided that the best approach is to eat small meals every 2-3 hours. This way, I am always getting fuel and the likelihood of my blood sugar crashing is reduced greatly. I also started keeping a food log and workout journal in a fitbook. If you don't know what a fitbook is, it's pretty much the dopest 12-week journal evers. Check it out: http://www.getfitbook.com/
It lets me track weights, cardio, flexibility, food and water intake. I took my measurements. I weighed myself. I refocused. Game on.

My sister reminded me today that this is a lifelong journey for me. It's not something that is going to happen overnight. I can't let myself forget that and give up. I have apparently inspired people to make changes in themselves, become fitter, push themselves to do things they wouldn't have dreamed of doing before. I hope I continue to do that. To help people realize that you really can do anything you set your mind to. Anything. It's all mind over matter. If you let yourself feel defeated before you even begin... you will never be better than you are now. I'm choosing to climb every sand covered hill and then run down it with gusto! Care to join me??