Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's been a minute. Ok, it's been lots of minutes. But in my defense, I've been teaching the spins, playing the soccer, watching the World Cup, watching my sweet angel graduate from pre-k and basically getting my life in order. Sometimes things are so good. Sometimes they are amazing. Other times, life kicks me in the stomach and I am reeling from it. I feel like it's those times that are what make me who I am. They make me stronger. I have had two things happen in the past couple days and am still thinking them over again and again.

The first was during soccer. I was playing defense and a player on the other team told the girl with the ball to just dribble around me. Her response was, 'but she's just so big.' Wow. Way to be an ignorant bitch. I wanted so much to say something, but I thought that would most likely escalate into me knocking her out. I wanted to badly to just go over and take her out... check her into the wall, but instead I just walked off the field. Some people don't realize how their words really effect other people. 1. I am well aware of my size. Hello. I live in this body every day of my life. 2. It's these little comments that really undermine all of the hard work I have put in over the last year. It's not fair. It's not right. And here I am, days later, still thinking about it. Still dwelling on some comment made by some girl who couldn't handle that I could take the ball away from her on the soccer field.

The second was after my daughters graduation program (which by the way was the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life). After watching her sing and dance her little heart out, my husband and I took her to Coldstone. It was our first time going there (I know, I know... but I don't really like ice-cream that much). We ordered vanilla with berries mixed in (which wasn't that bad, but wasn't that great either) and talked about the next school year. While we were sitting there, two girls I used to work with at Lane Bryant came in. I probably haven't seen them in 5 years and things sure have changed for all 3 of us. They have both gained 50 lbs. minimum and I have lost over 100 lbs. They both kept saying how great I look and how different I am now. I didn't really know what to say other than thank you. What do you say? Both of them used to be size 10's. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a size 10. Now I would say they are size 20 or 22. Roughly... the same size I am now. You might wonder why this meeting would affect me in any other way than positive, but the truth is... I used to want to be these girls. They both have good jobs, they both seem happy. So, why can't I be happy. I want to drop this stupid weight so much that I forget how far I've come. But, I also start questioning what it will be like when I'm smaller. Will I be happy? Cause I'm pretty happy now.

On another note, my husband unburied our wedding album and anytime I need a reminder of how far I've come... now I can just look at that.

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