Well, well, well. I've been off in la-la-land doing lord knows what and not focusing on taking care of myself. It's time to recommit. It's time to recognize that the only thing holding me back from my true potential is, well, me. I still haven't figured out why I have such a hard time seeing myself at my goal weight. Is it because I have never been a 'normal' weight? Is it because I find myself, at 32 years old, the smallest I've ever been in my adult life? Why, when I am so busy working 3 jobs, raising a 6-year old (almost entirely on my own), coaching soccer, playing soccer, and whatever other activities I can find.. do I still feel like I am not the person I was meant to be?
I've decided to take a new approach. I fired the 'weight loss doctor'. I don't need him to tell me what to do. In all honesty, I know what to do... I just need to do it. I contemplated going back to weight watchers because for a long time, it was what worked for me. If I'm going to be honest though, I got really good at 'working' the program 5 days a week and doing whatever I wanted the other two. NOT GOOD. I'm going to focus on eating whole foods (lean proteins, fruits/veggies, whole grains) in moderation. For me, that's the key. Moderation is not something that comes naturally to me. I tend to overindulge. Ok. I don't just tend to... I over-eat, over-booze, over-everything. I know what moderation is. Portion control. One glass of wine instead of the whole bottle (but if my glass can hold a whole bottle does that count? haha. I kid.) I'm going back to the basics. It's what I need to do for me. Since I'm being honest here, I'll just say that I'm tired. I'm tired of fluctuating the same 10 lbs. over and over. I'm tired of the lack of accountability I hold for myself (when so many others rely on me to hold them accountable). I'm exhausted from all the excuses I make for eating like crap (can we all say chips and dips??).
I have a LOT of stuff going on the next few weeks. Sister birthday, grandma birthday, my birthday, trip to the gorge to see dave matthews. These cannot be excuses for me to overindulge. Sure, I know that I am going to get shit-faced drunk at the minimum one night at the gorge. I must plan accordingly. This will be the test. Can I get myself back on track during what will most likely be the busiest 2 weeks this year? I'm counting on it.